Dear Rachel - Gold Digger's Blues

Dear Rachel,

My horoscope said that financial wealth is coming my way. It has told me a message like that every week for the past few weeks, and my rich father-in-law’s health keeps getting worse and worse. He has always treated me like crap because I do not live up to my husband’s perfect first wife, who died giving birth to my stepson, who is my husband’s only child. My father-in-law’s will states that my husband will get everything. I don’t want to speak ill of the soon-to-be dead but enough is enough -- is there a golden ticket in my future, or what?

With fingers (and toes!) crossed,

Gold Digging Daughter-in-Law in Detroit

Dear Detroit,
Uhm... wow. I appreciate your honesty, that's kind of refreshing.

Your payday is coming, but it's not because of the death of your father-in-law. Your payday will arrive when you let go of the past, set yourself free from the bonds of material gain and status symbols. You've locked yourself in a prison of contempt and hold yourself inside with a wax key shaped like your husband's first wife. For whatever reason you feel you cannot compete with the dead, so you listen for echoes of this sentiment from others to reinforce the weight of your bondage. Set yourself free, woman! You are living with a ghost and only you can release the chains that bind.

Yes, your husband's first wife was a lovely woman, and you have a darling step-son to prove it. But you're his wife now, he chose you because of your beautiful spirit and loving heart. It's your own insecurity that's getting the best of you, so set that shit on fire and let your soul rise up like a mighty phoenix from the flames. You will be rewarded with wealth beyond your wildest imaginings, but first you have to let go of the girlish notion that all riches come in the form of money.


Besides, think of how much fun it will be to spend that inheritance utterly free of all the guilt and shame associated with being a shallow, self-serving bitch. Money might buy temporary happiness but it won't hold you while you cry yourself to sleep at night.  

Dear Rachel - Backdoor Entry and No Parking Zones

Dear Rachel,

The entire time my husband and I were dating, we were compatible in every way. We follow the same religion. We have the same taste in foods. We both want to start a family. We were even compatible sexually. But then we said “I do” and suddenly he wants to do so much more in the bedroom.

When he first suggested it, I immediately felt repulsed. He said he is okay with my “exit only do not enter” policy regarding backdoor sex, but he is OBSESSED with it! He is always talking about how perfect my bottom is, and how he would love to explore it - but then quickly reminds me that he respects my decision of not wanting to do that.

But then in bed he is all touchy feely...back there. He even asks me if I’d like some wine to help me “open up” so we can “explore new areas in the bedroom”. I’m no fool, Rachel! The only area he wants to open up and explore is my backdoor!

Can your cards help me? What can I tell this man to make him realize that NO MEANS NO? Please help me before his devious desires lead to the death of our marriage. I can’t go on like this!

Sincerely,

No Rear Entry in Newport, Rhode Island

Dear Newport,
I bet you could put an end to this stalemate by suggesting turn-about is fair play. He might think twice about the avenues of kink he dares to explore, or you could find yourself in thrilling new territory. Either way, be careful what you wish for and even more careful with how you negotiate this sensitive topic. That's just my two cents, let's see what the cards have to say!

Okay, let's be honest. This isn't all about the sex, or the potential discomfort of it, because you're a little bit curious about toying with taboo just as much as your husband. Looks to me like you worry that you're disappointing to your husband in some fashion, that you're falling short in satisfying him, that you somehow aren't enough for your man. This fear and worry of yours is hinging on this one thing in the bedroom, but I'm willing to bet if you dug a little deeper you've been worrying about this in other areas of your marriage as well.


Your husband loves you, he trusts you, and he wants to share an intimacy with you that he's not felt safe enough to explore with other women. That's a beautiful thing! But what I see here is that you worry if you give up control in this one area your husband will take that as a green light to “coerce” you into other things that are outside your comfort zone. What you call coercion your husband calls communication. Get on the same page. What other areas of your marriage are strained, do you feel a lack of connection with your husband? What can your husband do to make you feel safe and secure in all areas of your marriage? These might the things that need to be discussed before you consider giving him the secret knock to your backdoor.

Dear Rachel - Boyfriend's Work Relationship

Dear Rachel,

My boyfriend started a new job, and he is acting weird. Lately whenever his cellphone rings, he steps outside to take the call. When I ask him about his job, he is fine until I ask about one particular girl and then he gets all moody. He used to leave his cellphone off during dinner, movies, or lovemaking but lately he started taking text messages during all those things - and that last one is the worst! I cannot imagine what is up with him. What do your cards say please? Will everything be okay?

Signed,

Confused in Cincinnati, OH

Dear Cincinnati,
This guy must be something pretty special if he's still your boyfriend after the whole texting-while-sexing incident, but that's just my two cents. Let's see what the cards have to say about your mystery man.

Men are relatively simple creatures compared to us deeply complicated women. Yes, his attention has strayed and it's leaving you off-kilter, but it won't help matters any if you try to fight fire with fire. Consider the scenario: He's got a new job, that's totally awesome! Have you showered him with genuine appreciation and respect for the achievement, or are you continuing to nag him about bills that have been neglected during the lull in paychecks? Maybe there is some little filly at work that's making him feel like a stud, that flame will cool once your man has settled into a daily routine at the office. It will cool faster if you keep the home fires burning with intense passion. Next time he whips out his cell phone during sex, ask him if he wants to take some saucy pictures of you in your new lingerie. Don't get caught up in drama and stress, that shit is poison! Instead, get to work on reminding your man that you don't care where he goes to work up an appetite so long as he comes home to enjoy dinner.



So there you have it: Everything will be okay. Start respecting your man and he will stop exhibiting behaviors that make you feel unloved. You have your work cut out for you!