Dear Rachel - Gold Digger's Blues

Dear Rachel,

My horoscope said that financial wealth is coming my way. It has told me a message like that every week for the past few weeks, and my rich father-in-law’s health keeps getting worse and worse. He has always treated me like crap because I do not live up to my husband’s perfect first wife, who died giving birth to my stepson, who is my husband’s only child. My father-in-law’s will states that my husband will get everything. I don’t want to speak ill of the soon-to-be dead but enough is enough -- is there a golden ticket in my future, or what?

With fingers (and toes!) crossed,

Gold Digging Daughter-in-Law in Detroit

Dear Detroit,
Uhm... wow. I appreciate your honesty, that's kind of refreshing.

Your payday is coming, but it's not because of the death of your father-in-law. Your payday will arrive when you let go of the past, set yourself free from the bonds of material gain and status symbols. You've locked yourself in a prison of contempt and hold yourself inside with a wax key shaped like your husband's first wife. For whatever reason you feel you cannot compete with the dead, so you listen for echoes of this sentiment from others to reinforce the weight of your bondage. Set yourself free, woman! You are living with a ghost and only you can release the chains that bind.

Yes, your husband's first wife was a lovely woman, and you have a darling step-son to prove it. But you're his wife now, he chose you because of your beautiful spirit and loving heart. It's your own insecurity that's getting the best of you, so set that shit on fire and let your soul rise up like a mighty phoenix from the flames. You will be rewarded with wealth beyond your wildest imaginings, but first you have to let go of the girlish notion that all riches come in the form of money.


Besides, think of how much fun it will be to spend that inheritance utterly free of all the guilt and shame associated with being a shallow, self-serving bitch. Money might buy temporary happiness but it won't hold you while you cry yourself to sleep at night.  

Dear Rachel - Backdoor Entry and No Parking Zones

Dear Rachel,

The entire time my husband and I were dating, we were compatible in every way. We follow the same religion. We have the same taste in foods. We both want to start a family. We were even compatible sexually. But then we said “I do” and suddenly he wants to do so much more in the bedroom.

When he first suggested it, I immediately felt repulsed. He said he is okay with my “exit only do not enter” policy regarding backdoor sex, but he is OBSESSED with it! He is always talking about how perfect my bottom is, and how he would love to explore it - but then quickly reminds me that he respects my decision of not wanting to do that.

But then in bed he is all touchy feely...back there. He even asks me if I’d like some wine to help me “open up” so we can “explore new areas in the bedroom”. I’m no fool, Rachel! The only area he wants to open up and explore is my backdoor!

Can your cards help me? What can I tell this man to make him realize that NO MEANS NO? Please help me before his devious desires lead to the death of our marriage. I can’t go on like this!

Sincerely,

No Rear Entry in Newport, Rhode Island

Dear Newport,
I bet you could put an end to this stalemate by suggesting turn-about is fair play. He might think twice about the avenues of kink he dares to explore, or you could find yourself in thrilling new territory. Either way, be careful what you wish for and even more careful with how you negotiate this sensitive topic. That's just my two cents, let's see what the cards have to say!

Okay, let's be honest. This isn't all about the sex, or the potential discomfort of it, because you're a little bit curious about toying with taboo just as much as your husband. Looks to me like you worry that you're disappointing to your husband in some fashion, that you're falling short in satisfying him, that you somehow aren't enough for your man. This fear and worry of yours is hinging on this one thing in the bedroom, but I'm willing to bet if you dug a little deeper you've been worrying about this in other areas of your marriage as well.


Your husband loves you, he trusts you, and he wants to share an intimacy with you that he's not felt safe enough to explore with other women. That's a beautiful thing! But what I see here is that you worry if you give up control in this one area your husband will take that as a green light to “coerce” you into other things that are outside your comfort zone. What you call coercion your husband calls communication. Get on the same page. What other areas of your marriage are strained, do you feel a lack of connection with your husband? What can your husband do to make you feel safe and secure in all areas of your marriage? These might the things that need to be discussed before you consider giving him the secret knock to your backdoor.

Dear Rachel - Boyfriend's Work Relationship

Dear Rachel,

My boyfriend started a new job, and he is acting weird. Lately whenever his cellphone rings, he steps outside to take the call. When I ask him about his job, he is fine until I ask about one particular girl and then he gets all moody. He used to leave his cellphone off during dinner, movies, or lovemaking but lately he started taking text messages during all those things - and that last one is the worst! I cannot imagine what is up with him. What do your cards say please? Will everything be okay?

Signed,

Confused in Cincinnati, OH

Dear Cincinnati,
This guy must be something pretty special if he's still your boyfriend after the whole texting-while-sexing incident, but that's just my two cents. Let's see what the cards have to say about your mystery man.

Men are relatively simple creatures compared to us deeply complicated women. Yes, his attention has strayed and it's leaving you off-kilter, but it won't help matters any if you try to fight fire with fire. Consider the scenario: He's got a new job, that's totally awesome! Have you showered him with genuine appreciation and respect for the achievement, or are you continuing to nag him about bills that have been neglected during the lull in paychecks? Maybe there is some little filly at work that's making him feel like a stud, that flame will cool once your man has settled into a daily routine at the office. It will cool faster if you keep the home fires burning with intense passion. Next time he whips out his cell phone during sex, ask him if he wants to take some saucy pictures of you in your new lingerie. Don't get caught up in drama and stress, that shit is poison! Instead, get to work on reminding your man that you don't care where he goes to work up an appetite so long as he comes home to enjoy dinner.



So there you have it: Everything will be okay. Start respecting your man and he will stop exhibiting behaviors that make you feel unloved. You have your work cut out for you!  

Dear Rachel - Family Business and Busy Bodies

Dear Rachel,

For as long as I can remember, my parents have pulled me into my sister’s drama. When we were younger, it was limited to things like “help your sister do this project for school so she won’t fail her class / semester / grade” and then as we got older it was more serious situations such as “can your sister crash on your couch for a week to hide out from her psychotic boyfriend” and “please be a witness in court to keep your sister out of jail”.

Finally almost 18 months ago I had enough. I cut off all contact from my family, and I have never been happier. My doctor says I have never been in better physical health. My relationship with my husband and our children - who all support my decision and stand by me in it, has never been better.

The problem is a person who is a family friend. She is constantly working information (i.e. gossip) about my parents and sister in conversation, and asking if I am sure there is no hope for reconciliation. The last time I told her sure, if they can give me back 30+ years of my life that did not revolve around my high maintenance sister, I would consider it.

So tell me Rachel, what do your cards say? Should I keep dodging questions my “friend” asks? Or should I just be blunt? I am not trying to hurt anyone’s feelings, but involving myself with my parents and sister is not good for my emotional health. I do not hate them at all. In fact, I still love them dearly. I am just choosing to, for the first time ever, live my own life without their negative influences trying to control every aspect of it.

Thanks for all your help!

Leave Me Alone in Lexington, KY

Dear Lexington,

Wow! What a conundrum! The way I see it, you have an excellent opportunity to demonstrate some much-needed grace and dignity to your family, simply by standing firm in your convictions to maintain a healthy distance. That's just my two cents, let's see what the cards have to say on the matter of dealing with your gossipy girlfriend.

Be blunt! Faithful are the wounds of a friend, after all. My advice to you, Lexington, is to pray and ask for the tactful and loving words that will help your friend understand that you're so much healthier without direct contact from your family. Her round-about attempts at drawing you into the fold are good-natured and positive in intent, keep this in mind when speaking to her, but remember to be firm and focused on your ultimate message of “this topic is off-limits.”

Even though your friend is having a hard time seeing the situation from your perspective, take a moment to see the situation through her eyes. Her family experience is very different from your own, and because of this, she simply can't imagine having emotional distance in the family. The thought pains her, so she assumes you are quietly suffering, which is why she continues to make attempts at third-party reconciliation. Like I said, she means well and her intentions are pure. Now you simply need to convince her that you are better than great, and give a clear warning if she brings up the topic again you won't be so tactful when telling her where she can stick her nose.  

Difficult Life Choices, and the Luck of the Draw

Dear Rachel,

I am rather conflicted about my choices when it comes to the little embryo inside of me. Is adoption whats best for the trio of us involved?

Love your die-hard fan,

Katey

Dear Katey,

Before I get into the nuts and bolts of your reading, please let me first commend you for your bravery. It can't be easy to ask such an emotionally vulnerable question to begin with, especially in an open form such as this. The decision you're facing is a difficult one, regardless of circumstances. Rest assured, I promise to give you an honest answer as tactfully as is possible. Ultimately, however, the choice you make is your own. I can only offer insight based on what the cards reveal, you are responsible for the final decision of what you feel is best for you, your unborn child, and your family as a whole. That being said, let's get down to business.

Because you haven't said who the third person is making up the “trio”, I'm going to first talk about the father. That's who I see fleeing the scene, at least (Knight of Swords). I also see his departure was rather abrupt, much like your whirlwind romance and the discovery of your pregnancy. So, here you are, with a child you don't know yet, but already love, and no father to stand by your side during the experience. With him out the door, it's a glaring realization that you're going to be raising this child on your own; a constant reminder of how quickly things can change in the blink of an eye.

Looks like you've got experience in this department.

You've been through this before, this isn't your first try at raising a child on your own, against all odds. In which case, this the other person making up this elusive “trio” could be your other child. If you recall, that stormy affair brought its own happy ending (Nine of Cups). Folks were angry, disappointed and all the other erratic emotions that send up your “everyone is angry, and this is supposed to be a loving environment” alarms. This is a time when you want and need support, but the feedback you're getting is contradictory. I see you have weathered similar storms in the past, this experience is nothing new. Give yourself some credit, when it comes to overcoming supposedly insurmountable odds, you've proven yourself wrong in the past.

If your Mind, Body and Spirit formed a Motown trio, do you think they'd call themselves The Supremes?

For argument's sake, let's say this unspecified “trio” you mentioned is your Mind-body-Spirit connection. When all the chaos of your environment is quiet enough for you to listen to these three in unison, what kind of music do you hear? In the center of this spread we have Art, representing the fusion of opposites. This is alchemy at its finest, even though it takes a great deal of practice, and some failures along the way. It's not easy to take two things which are seemingly opposite and create something wholly new and wonderful from the union.

Looking to the future we have a the Swords representing Mind, it's no surprise you're contemplating all the possible outcomes of your situation, good and bad. Holding firm in the past, you'll see the Cups giving a emotional argument on behalf of Body; the emotions you associate with the first time you held your child are providing a hefty anchor.

What's your intuition telling you? 

The Artist within, representing your Spirit is working hard to be heard, wanting desperately to take a seemingly impossible situation and transform it into something stronger and stable. What if the paradox that's struggling for transformation is you, and this situation you're in is the kick in the pants you needed to figure out what you truly want to achieve in life? Next, what has to happen to shift your gears and bring your mind, body, and spirit into unison?

I can't give you a final answer, Katey, because this is the kind of question which you must ask yourself.  I only hope the insight I've provided will help you come to a decision that you know is the right one. 

Dear Rachel,

I have a concert I'm preparing with 2 other women singers for October 15th. None of us has come right out and said it, but we've hinted at feeling a very positive vibration, and we all feel doors are already opening even as we are just preparing. Is this destined to be an auspicious occasion?

Jean C.

Dear Jean,

Congratulations on this exciting endeavor! October 15^th is just around the corner, and though it will be here before you realize it, I see all of your careful planning and practice will pay off nicely.

The buzz amongst your group is apparent, it's gone unmentioned directly because none of you wants to rush ahead blindly. Even as you're all trying to keep your heads on straight and not get ahead of yourselves, you have a very nice balance of forward momentum (Knight of Wands) paired with the insight and wisdom which can only come from life experience (Queen of Disks). To complete this lovely landscape is the arrival of the "Success" card (Six of Disks).

This is destined to be an auspicious occasion indeed! You can expect the success of your concert to create a positive buzz around you for the next six months, especially if you continue to balance your excitement with strong work ethic. Though you may not see the money start pouring in immediately, you will receive enough positive feedback and a clear enough measure of your success that you will be encouraged to keep making a joyful noise.

I look forward to hearing all about the concert!